Ever since Anthony and I got engaged I have been worried about the "Catholic-ness" of his family. They are extremely accepting, open people - neither is homophobic in the least, thank goodness - I don't think I could handle that. There is a prayer before every meal, though (which is very nice, actually), and Anthony's mother wants us to get married at the Basilica (the waiting list is WAY too long, and the "donation" too costly). I originally thought, "why not have a separate, brief religious ceremony with just our parents?" - then I remembered some of the "rules". Although I wouldn't have to convert to Catholicism, I would have to promise to raise our children as Catholics. When I verified this with Anthony, he said "so?", to which I responded, "I don't want to make a false promise". He was a little taken aback by this; he had always envisioned his children going through Catechism, like he did. He thinks that it helped to shape his sense of morality. I think that I have good morals, and was raised for the most part sans religion. I do believe in God. This hasn't always been the case, but I believe that coming to the conclusion ON MY OWN makes my belief more powerful. I know that once we have children, this issue will need to be addressed, but we have both decided to table the discussion for the moment.
That being said, I recently became an Off-Beat Bride tribe member (an application based forum for non-traditional brides) and have come across many future brides with similar issues. One great idea offered to incorporate Catholicism without having a church wedding is this: having/going to Mass the evening prior in "our honor". Hopefully this will show his family that I truly do respect their religious view; it just so happens that their view is not mine.
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